El Futuro

I've been contemplating a different approach to my own life's journey. Love secondary now to my future dreams. I've realized (with help) that it is better to have loyalty and committment than love. The heart is an unstable artery, a muscle within the body that is constantly being told what to do by the mind. Thus the mind is the leading organ, therefore the only one now governing my life. My dreams are what I'm entitled to, I deserve to dream endlessly and pursue tirelessly the things in life that I would like to accomplish. I want never to stop that race, to quit my own personal goals in life to greatness, impact and influence. New York is still on the horizon but lately not as important as it use to be. I've realized that I've been selling myself short. Growing up you aspire to be the lawyer, doctor, veterinarian, police officer, fire fighter, etc. Where did that drive go? I wanted to be everything when I was younger, so I am still going to do just that. First thing first...back to school! If New York happens this year or in five more I'll make it there, but I will be successful. And love will work it's way through in the cracks, but can no longer be my conquest. I love regardless, dreds and all. But my focus has to be higher. We shall see...

Who Knew?

Who knew that I would feel this again?
Deception comes in all faces
Lies that came to me with a smile.
Who knew I was sleeping with a thief?
You left me with nothing,
Bankrupt emotions, too insufficient to fund any other.
Poor hearted, empty of soul
My tears weren't enough to cover your debt.
You owed me sorries, promises, and love.
Who knew that being a good partner just meant never being found out?
Broken and bandaged,
I survived.
Who knew?

Just Think

Stifled by my mind's own demons
I succumb to the fears of my last pain
Currently battling what my mind is assure of
Questioning the motive, the thought, his heart?
Pressured by friends' suggestions
Mother's advice and
My own intuition.
I'm afraid.
Afraid of such daunting hurt.
Like a knife through the achilles
It is my own weakness
I fall everytime...to,
Indecisiveness.
Not knowing who you trust.
Who to listen to.
Old drapes of yesterday's torn 2X laced lingerie
Antique memories, withered and worn
Covered with dust was the evidence of this infidelity
The ringtone to deceit
Starring me in the face
As I was the one to discover it's secret
The hidden truths to this treasured heart's mystery
Couldn't be find by Holmes,
In homes where the heart was suppose to be.
Revealing yet still to me crooked tears of reality.
Played, like the notes to an ending song.
I knew how I was feeling couldn't be wrong.
How could I go for so long, loving the same game?
Like a pawn on a board of chess, I was moved
By his words,
by his swagger,
by his endless way of convincing me to stay.
Contrived and convicted,
I knew things would change...
hopefully not for the worst.
But I'm no longer holding my bated breath.