I want to be remembered for my hits not just my misses
I took a shot and didn't even come close
At trust, and love and hope.
Pushing out
Pulling through
Despite these doubts
I still want just you.
Fighting just to stay afloat
It's in love that I place my hope
Not in myself, not in you.
Working to be remembered for something more than my mistakes
I can't pretend to be okay
Only that I will make it through
My resiliency is in my wanting of you
We can fake it for the airways
Force our smiles til we're half dead
And nobody knows this but us.
Please roll things back cause we're not making any sense
Blame everyone but ourselves for this mess.
And besides my back is breaking from this heavy heart.
We've never seemed so far.
I'm hopelessly hopeful
You're just hopeless enough
But we never had it at all.
I'll keep fighting to turn this all around.
While you'll keep fighting to make things ok.
So where do we go from here?
Will you just give in or give up?
Because I'm not going anywhere.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
This skin I'm in...my black.
My black is flawless
I've never been this proud before
My skin never felt so good
Was I not use to it?
I can't remember when I loved this shade so much
My color is dark and lovely.
It sings with a rhythmic melody of beauty.
My black is loud
It yelled at this pale-faced lady the other day
She tried to demean my black
And just as quickly as she did
My black screamed back.
My skin roared with elegance
Reminding you it is not afraid anymore
My black is loved
I rubbed it down tenderly today
Making sure to touch every inch.
Ever so gently it glistened and radiated
My black shimmers and still catches attention.
It's been kissed and hugged
Yet still selfishly wants more
My black is hopeful
I've had a freedom that was honestly free
I've lived in a time when my black was ok
My black lives today safely from oppression
Though still hated on
My black believes in a better tomorrow
Still lives in dreams of liberation and equality
My black has a great future
My black is an artist
Thoughtfully chosen to be just this
Not chocolate, not sweet or bitter
My black creatively exists where no other black attains
My deep and rich black is still unmatched
Nothing as dark
It masterfully advances my own natural look
My black is resilient
Offended and hurt in the past
The complexities of this complexion cannot be understood
I took my black out for a day
And was terribly made fun of growing up
People hold no discretion or reservation against my black
As though a fugitive my black has been ostracized plenty of times
Yet still fought back
Rising against the contempt of others
My black isn't weak and advocates for me.
My black isn't always easy
But I am my black and my black is me.
I've never been this proud before
My skin never felt so good
Was I not use to it?
I can't remember when I loved this shade so much
My color is dark and lovely.
It sings with a rhythmic melody of beauty.
My black is loud
It yelled at this pale-faced lady the other day
She tried to demean my black
And just as quickly as she did
My black screamed back.
My skin roared with elegance
Reminding you it is not afraid anymore
My black is loved
I rubbed it down tenderly today
Making sure to touch every inch.
Ever so gently it glistened and radiated
My black shimmers and still catches attention.
It's been kissed and hugged
Yet still selfishly wants more
My black is hopeful
I've had a freedom that was honestly free
I've lived in a time when my black was ok
My black lives today safely from oppression
Though still hated on
My black believes in a better tomorrow
Still lives in dreams of liberation and equality
My black has a great future
My black is an artist
Thoughtfully chosen to be just this
Not chocolate, not sweet or bitter
My black creatively exists where no other black attains
My deep and rich black is still unmatched
Nothing as dark
It masterfully advances my own natural look
My black is resilient
Offended and hurt in the past
The complexities of this complexion cannot be understood
I took my black out for a day
And was terribly made fun of growing up
People hold no discretion or reservation against my black
As though a fugitive my black has been ostracized plenty of times
Yet still fought back
Rising against the contempt of others
My black isn't weak and advocates for me.
My black isn't always easy
But I am my black and my black is me.
This road still ends with me...
I rather not say how I'm feeling
when I'm feeling like this.
I know enough to know that I can't turn back anymore.
It's all or nothing
I've settled for the all
Hoping I am not left for something
With Nothing left for me
Me left with nothing
Nothing there with me.
You've traveled this road before
I know you are tired from it's journey
But I still promise this trip will be different
My street has a new look
It leads to new sights.
You are scared to drive
but the road less traveled is the one of uncertainty
Where is the bravery?
Take this risk, if only once.
I promise the last won't be missed.
The hint of these new tears are sharp
I try to choke them back.
But it's useless
I am useless against them.
They are beating me with ease.
There is no need to test my heart with useless space
On the way home this car hears my confessions
I think tonight I'll take the long way home.
These roads go on forever
I've constructed them that way
And there I will be,
Patiently waiting...
when I'm feeling like this.
I know enough to know that I can't turn back anymore.
It's all or nothing
I've settled for the all
Hoping I am not left for something
With Nothing left for me
Me left with nothing
Nothing there with me.
You've traveled this road before
I know you are tired from it's journey
But I still promise this trip will be different
My street has a new look
It leads to new sights.
You are scared to drive
but the road less traveled is the one of uncertainty
Where is the bravery?
Take this risk, if only once.
I promise the last won't be missed.
The hint of these new tears are sharp
I try to choke them back.
But it's useless
I am useless against them.
They are beating me with ease.
There is no need to test my heart with useless space
On the way home this car hears my confessions
I think tonight I'll take the long way home.
These roads go on forever
I've constructed them that way
And there I will be,
Patiently waiting...
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Those
Bold, daring, eccentric, taking no crap
Those I'm rooted in and those who will come soon after
Different, unique, unexplainable, hated, possibly because of that differentiation
Nothing new, the noose, her bus, his girl
Never did it deter them, those I'm rooted in and those who will come soon after
Am I ashamed or embarrassed when concerning those?
Why should I be for those milestones, those pioneers are why I'm here;
Why I'm me
My base, history, foothold in this world
I am unconditionally grateful
Proud to gloat and that arrogance is rightfully so because Those I'm talking about swear their blood and tears into this soil
Governor this is my petition that we need to advocate for our Those
Aptly spoken the confidence should be in those not them, that, or us
We've seen them and their attempts to oppress those but like a city whose walls cannot be broken, those same those stayed standing.
Those I am proud to say I'm rooted in.
I wrote this because I was inspired after completing my book 40 Million Dollar Slave
"SAY IT LOUD, I'M BLACK AND I'M PROUD"
Those I'm rooted in and those who will come soon after
Different, unique, unexplainable, hated, possibly because of that differentiation
Nothing new, the noose, her bus, his girl
Never did it deter them, those I'm rooted in and those who will come soon after
Am I ashamed or embarrassed when concerning those?
Why should I be for those milestones, those pioneers are why I'm here;
Why I'm me
My base, history, foothold in this world
I am unconditionally grateful
Proud to gloat and that arrogance is rightfully so because Those I'm talking about swear their blood and tears into this soil
Governor this is my petition that we need to advocate for our Those
Aptly spoken the confidence should be in those not them, that, or us
We've seen them and their attempts to oppress those but like a city whose walls cannot be broken, those same those stayed standing.
Those I am proud to say I'm rooted in.
I wrote this because I was inspired after completing my book 40 Million Dollar Slave
"SAY IT LOUD, I'M BLACK AND I'M PROUD"
Saturday, December 24, 2011
...I'll help you out.
If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand
Hope you find out what you are; already know what I am
And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again
You can tell me how vile I already know that I am
I'll grow old, and you'll start acting your age
It'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate
A crown of gold, a heart that's harder than stone
And it hurts to hold on, but it's missed when it's gone
Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget
If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of this state
You can keep to yourself, I'll keep out of your way
And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room
When I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds
So call it quits, or get a grip
You say you wanted a solution; you just wanted to be missed
Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget
So you can forget, you can forget
You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
light brown, like the skin stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second-hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins
Holding on to yourself the best you can
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins
Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
I hope you're as happy as you're pretending.
**This is an old poem I wrote about 2-3 years ago.**
Hope you find out what you are; already know what I am
And if it makes you less sad, we'll start talking again
You can tell me how vile I already know that I am
I'll grow old, and you'll start acting your age
It'll be a brand new day in a life that you hate
A crown of gold, a heart that's harder than stone
And it hurts to hold on, but it's missed when it's gone
Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget
If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of this state
You can keep to yourself, I'll keep out of your way
And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room
When I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds
So call it quits, or get a grip
You say you wanted a solution; you just wanted to be missed
Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget
So you can forget, you can forget
You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
light brown, like the skin stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second-hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins
Holding on to yourself the best you can
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins
Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget.
I hope you're as happy as you're pretending.
**This is an old poem I wrote about 2-3 years ago.**
Misunderstood
Writing wrong because it's hard to see right
Drowing in this darkness of my death
Driving
Determined to live while making my living
Trying hard not to let the making of my living overwhelm
Control
My living
Life misunderstood.
People convinced that it's about the physical and material
inferior to those
Just because they have more of the meaningless world in their hands
Living wrong because we refuse to see right
Settling for what we're given because it's easier to deal than
desire development
Not just desire but attain, strive, achieve
Wanting more for myself so I refuse to settle
I refuse to allow myself to be left lukewarm
For it is better to be hot or cold.
Living wrong because I've refused to change for right.
It's what I've always settled for
Or is it that it's what satan's convinced me to be ok with?
Fighting to be faithful
To live no longer for myself
But to HIM that I have surrendered my life to
Living wrong because it's easier than living right
Still knowing that I have the heart to be better
To be loyal
To be grateful
Grateful for this life I've been given
Blessed whether good or bad
Because he shall carry me through
Grateful to life
Be I
No longer writing wrong because I'm seeing right
Living right because I hate to live wrong.
Drowing in this darkness of my death
Driving
Determined to live while making my living
Trying hard not to let the making of my living overwhelm
Control
My living
Life misunderstood.
People convinced that it's about the physical and material
inferior to those
Just because they have more of the meaningless world in their hands
Living wrong because we refuse to see right
Settling for what we're given because it's easier to deal than
desire development
Not just desire but attain, strive, achieve
Wanting more for myself so I refuse to settle
I refuse to allow myself to be left lukewarm
For it is better to be hot or cold.
Living wrong because I've refused to change for right.
It's what I've always settled for
Or is it that it's what satan's convinced me to be ok with?
Fighting to be faithful
To live no longer for myself
But to HIM that I have surrendered my life to
Living wrong because it's easier than living right
Still knowing that I have the heart to be better
To be loyal
To be grateful
Grateful for this life I've been given
Blessed whether good or bad
Because he shall carry me through
Grateful to life
Be I
No longer writing wrong because I'm seeing right
Living right because I hate to live wrong.
The Secret is Telling.
The signal is subtle
We pass just close to stroke
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another
There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may b e the last time we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden
Our act of defiance
We keep this secret in our blood
No papers or letters
We pass just close enough to touch
We love in secret names,
We hide within our veins.
The things that keep us bound to one another
Until the last resilient hope
Is frozen deep inside my bones.
And this broken fate has claimed me
And my memories for it's own.
Your name is pounding in my skin.
Can't you hear how it is sung?
And I can taste you in my mouth
Before the words escape my lungs
And I will whisper only once...
We pass just close to stroke
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another
There is a secret that we keep
I won't sleep if you won't sleep
Because tonight may b e the last time we'll be given
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden
Our act of defiance
We keep this secret in our blood
No papers or letters
We pass just close enough to touch
We love in secret names,
We hide within our veins.
The things that keep us bound to one another
Until the last resilient hope
Is frozen deep inside my bones.
And this broken fate has claimed me
And my memories for it's own.
Your name is pounding in my skin.
Can't you hear how it is sung?
And I can taste you in my mouth
Before the words escape my lungs
And I will whisper only once...
Christmas
I don't believe in Christmas, it's pretty man-made like most other holidays and devalues original religious purposes. But oh well....Merry Christmas everyone!! :)
In the future I will not follow in the tradition of Christmas for my children. Gifts and presents are fun but I am not waiting until Dec 25th just to get something nice for someone or to show how much I appreciate them. My children will establish Christmas as the day mommy wears her pjs all day, stays home, cooks 3 meals with 2 snacks, plays games all day, jokes with daddy, doesn't answer her cell phone, watches a marathon of movies, have a snowball fight and go sledding, and doesn't go to sleep until after everyone else is sound asleep. My household will know Christmas to be the best day of the year not because of presents/gifts but because me and my husband and children are having fun just being us all day together as a family. If my children want presents they will get them randomly throughout the year but never on Dec 25th, Christmas doesn't mean presents and it won't mean that when I'm older either. I can't wait to have a family and start my own traditions. I don't believe in Christmas but I do believe in a happy family.
In the future I will not follow in the tradition of Christmas for my children. Gifts and presents are fun but I am not waiting until Dec 25th just to get something nice for someone or to show how much I appreciate them. My children will establish Christmas as the day mommy wears her pjs all day, stays home, cooks 3 meals with 2 snacks, plays games all day, jokes with daddy, doesn't answer her cell phone, watches a marathon of movies, have a snowball fight and go sledding, and doesn't go to sleep until after everyone else is sound asleep. My household will know Christmas to be the best day of the year not because of presents/gifts but because me and my husband and children are having fun just being us all day together as a family. If my children want presents they will get them randomly throughout the year but never on Dec 25th, Christmas doesn't mean presents and it won't mean that when I'm older either. I can't wait to have a family and start my own traditions. I don't believe in Christmas but I do believe in a happy family.
Endless rants of my current mind state...
Mouth of a sailor so here goes nothing:::
>>Oh SHIT!!<<
That's what I thought when I saw this gift. I loved it! Probably the most perfect thing ever, I'm such a huge fan that it really came to me as a surprise to find someone who valued the same legendary icon as much as I. For x-mas I received this book called Dancing the Dream: Poems and Reflections by Michael Jackson. He personally wrote all of these. Was not aware that MJ was a writer so I'm quite impressed and definitely never knew this book existed so I was thoroughly impressed by the giftor (said person who gave me the gift, lol). It was not a scarf, or ring, or necklace, or jacket, or heels, or perfume or any other material girly gift that any man, woman, friend or family typically would give...it was a well thought out and researched item that honestly could only mean everything to me.
>>Dammit!<<
Damn, have you ever gotten tired of saying the word "love"? Weird question I know and understand. I realize the magnitude of the word and for a long time I've reserved ever using that word again because it means more to the person using it than the one receiving it. "Love" can only be valued once returned or felt. Therefore my overuse of the term has almost become meaningless. I'm sick of saying it, I want it to be felt and meaningful to the one receiving that love. Is there a synonym? Terminology means everything, I know that it is the most fitting word but I want to reserve my right to use it. I shouldn't have to tell my mother I love her every time I get off the phone (lol), sometimes I just want to the end the conversation with "talk to you later". I can't keep using that term with the beau because he doesn't actually care how I use it, how often I say it, or when I do, smh! He can't say it back, which doesn't bother me. His love or lack thereof, holds no bearing over my love; however, I'm tired of using a word with such deep value so often as I do. In other words from now on when I tire of saying love, I'll just say instead "I heart you" or "You really are something" or "You aren't too bad". It'll be my way of expressing how I feel without wasting away the value of love through overuse. Ugh, damn!
>>Fuck!<<
Good exercise, fuck...more people should do so more often.
>>Fiddlesticks!<<
My apartment is now empty. Living alone (again) is weirder than ever now. I became so use to sharing my space and life that it almost feels strange not to do so anymore. Have you ever realized how more space always makes you feel more lonely? I presume this is why some individuals become hoarders, to pack in the spaces, theoretically filling voids in which loneliness settles. It's not that deep, but I can definitely now understand the feeling. There is now a void here, though temporary and not actually a complete void, living alone now and again makes me feel alone. I now have all this time and space to explore myself, my mind, my interests, and thoughts. I'll go crazy, oh fiddlesticks! But its for the best. I'm content and I'll be just fine.
>>Hell!<<
My heat in my house stays on nearly 80 degrees, hot as hell!
>>Ass!!!<<
He's the biggest one I know. Definitely no competition there...he has a phat ass and can be an even bigger one if put to the challenge. But no other ass has been able to make me as happy as him. Interestingly enough he is very much like myself. We're simple people with grandiose proposals and images of life. We can make one another happy with just simple gestures and thoughts. Neither of us need material possessions or gifts yet we love to spoil one another with them as often and affordably as possible. This ass I'm dealing with has uniquely been able to keep me around through all the bullshit, yes there has been evidenced bullshit but to be fair the bullshit was mutually given, but bullshit nonetheless. Thankfully bullshit behind us things are running quite smoothly. Myriad of things still to be done, everything is going better than ever expected. We'll see how this ass does. :)
>>Bitch!<<
*said 3 times in increasing octaves* Well I'm not a fan of any of them, all of them are equally bitches...no argument there. However, there are some lady friends/homegirls I've met that are definitely cool so are excluded from the bitch list. That is all.
>>Oh SHIT!!<<
That's what I thought when I saw this gift. I loved it! Probably the most perfect thing ever, I'm such a huge fan that it really came to me as a surprise to find someone who valued the same legendary icon as much as I. For x-mas I received this book called Dancing the Dream: Poems and Reflections by Michael Jackson. He personally wrote all of these. Was not aware that MJ was a writer so I'm quite impressed and definitely never knew this book existed so I was thoroughly impressed by the giftor (said person who gave me the gift, lol). It was not a scarf, or ring, or necklace, or jacket, or heels, or perfume or any other material girly gift that any man, woman, friend or family typically would give...it was a well thought out and researched item that honestly could only mean everything to me.
>>Dammit!<<
Damn, have you ever gotten tired of saying the word "love"? Weird question I know and understand. I realize the magnitude of the word and for a long time I've reserved ever using that word again because it means more to the person using it than the one receiving it. "Love" can only be valued once returned or felt. Therefore my overuse of the term has almost become meaningless. I'm sick of saying it, I want it to be felt and meaningful to the one receiving that love. Is there a synonym? Terminology means everything, I know that it is the most fitting word but I want to reserve my right to use it. I shouldn't have to tell my mother I love her every time I get off the phone (lol), sometimes I just want to the end the conversation with "talk to you later". I can't keep using that term with the beau because he doesn't actually care how I use it, how often I say it, or when I do, smh! He can't say it back, which doesn't bother me. His love or lack thereof, holds no bearing over my love; however, I'm tired of using a word with such deep value so often as I do. In other words from now on when I tire of saying love, I'll just say instead "I heart you" or "You really are something" or "You aren't too bad". It'll be my way of expressing how I feel without wasting away the value of love through overuse. Ugh, damn!
>>Fuck!<<
Good exercise, fuck...more people should do so more often.
>>Fiddlesticks!<<
My apartment is now empty. Living alone (again) is weirder than ever now. I became so use to sharing my space and life that it almost feels strange not to do so anymore. Have you ever realized how more space always makes you feel more lonely? I presume this is why some individuals become hoarders, to pack in the spaces, theoretically filling voids in which loneliness settles. It's not that deep, but I can definitely now understand the feeling. There is now a void here, though temporary and not actually a complete void, living alone now and again makes me feel alone. I now have all this time and space to explore myself, my mind, my interests, and thoughts. I'll go crazy, oh fiddlesticks! But its for the best. I'm content and I'll be just fine.
>>Hell!<<
My heat in my house stays on nearly 80 degrees, hot as hell!
>>Ass!!!<<
He's the biggest one I know. Definitely no competition there...he has a phat ass and can be an even bigger one if put to the challenge. But no other ass has been able to make me as happy as him. Interestingly enough he is very much like myself. We're simple people with grandiose proposals and images of life. We can make one another happy with just simple gestures and thoughts. Neither of us need material possessions or gifts yet we love to spoil one another with them as often and affordably as possible. This ass I'm dealing with has uniquely been able to keep me around through all the bullshit, yes there has been evidenced bullshit but to be fair the bullshit was mutually given, but bullshit nonetheless. Thankfully bullshit behind us things are running quite smoothly. Myriad of things still to be done, everything is going better than ever expected. We'll see how this ass does. :)
>>Bitch!<<
*said 3 times in increasing octaves* Well I'm not a fan of any of them, all of them are equally bitches...no argument there. However, there are some lady friends/homegirls I've met that are definitely cool so are excluded from the bitch list. That is all.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Oh Vegas!
So I recently just returned from a great trip to Vegas. Probably the most fun anyone can have with their clothes on (lol, jk...but not really). The shows were great! Jabbawockeez performed and were truly entertaining by far one of the best shows I have ever gone to. Of course I am also responsible for bringing mention to the greatest show ever, Michael Jackson Immortal by Cirque du Soleil. They classically produced a very well designed show centered around the King of Pop, dancing to such great hits such as Man in the Mirror, You are not Alone, Black and White, etc. It was definitely an overwhelming production and really brought to life the child-like spirit and rhythmic genuis of the late musical legend. I am such a fan of great entertainers and no other has come close to the legacy that MJ has led. Enough about that...the clubs and the Vegas strip was nothing short of fun and exciting. Meeting new people is always cool but being able to do so with friends and loved ones is better. I went there with someone I consider to be something like a best friend and boyfriend, he really did make the trip for me. I realized our commonalities is what really makes our trips and vacations so enjoyable. I could not have imagined having a more fun-filled experience with anyone else, honestly. I would love to rant for days about all the sights that Vegas has to offer, but I implore you (the reader) to journey along across the world and experience your own adventure. I like sharing mine because traveling is one of my passions and I am glad to have been able to share that passion with someone I love and care so much about. Hopefully more good travels and adventures to come!!! :)
I need. You need. We need.
I needed this peace, this space, this silence.
More than I thought.
I wanted the peace of mind to know nothing would change.
I wanted the space to know that I could move independently yet blendedly
I wanted the silence to know that how I felt all made sense.
Collectively I'm more uncollected than I imagined.
I need more time to be who you need.
You need more time to be there for me.
We compromise, we bicker, we love.
We're one in the same.
We need to be more of us.
We need to be together.
We need to be happy.
We need to love better.
I promise I can bend...
In time I'll be everything you want.
You need me to be more of the woman I truly am.
And I need you to be my man.
More than I thought.
I wanted the peace of mind to know nothing would change.
I wanted the space to know that I could move independently yet blendedly
I wanted the silence to know that how I felt all made sense.
Collectively I'm more uncollected than I imagined.
I need more time to be who you need.
You need more time to be there for me.
We compromise, we bicker, we love.
We're one in the same.
We need to be more of us.
We need to be together.
We need to be happy.
We need to love better.
I promise I can bend...
In time I'll be everything you want.
You need me to be more of the woman I truly am.
And I need you to be my man.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
None other...but me.
Writing anything is poetry to me. I would love to say I always write in lyrics or stanzas or haikus but I don't. I rhythmically spout a bunch of words that only make perfect sense to me, as if sharing a story in a language I encrypted for myself. My life is my song. I sing as I speak. I lyrically express as I write. My tears, worries, happiness, smiles, laughter, pain are my music notes documented in my life song. I am today a conductor organizing my symphony of melodic beats. I aim not to write for the enjoyment or understanding of others. It is too much work to please and appease others in an universally creative style that is solely and uniquely fingerprinted by one individual. Therefore, I write simply to be understood by me, my own biggest critic. I am my words. Poetry is my vice. Words are my game. This is how I shall live my life for the rest of my life. Because this is just who I am.
I didn't trip, nor stumble, I fell.
I've fallen.
Harder than before.
This time for good reason.
Unplanned and unorganized.
Yet I wasn't afraid.
I wasn't very cautious.
I never hestistated.
I just leaned to the edge and fell.
This time it didn't hurt.
In fact the fall was pleasant.
Brushed a bit through the trip
But I've managed to sustain no major injuries
Simply minor bruises that in time healed.
I learned to be more resilient
I evolved from the time before
And I grew wings
When I fell this time
I soared.
I flew.
Right into what I could only imagine perfection to feel like
Not quite perfect but close enough.
I glided gently through a journey
One so unique it would seem almost impossible
A journey that has introduced me to...
New sights
New faces
New smiles
Bigger laughs
Better memories
Good times.
A journey I am still taking
It's funny because when you fall its hard to breath
I've been holding my breath for a year now
Each sip of air taken is one that reminds me that I'm still falling
My stomach is in my chest
My heart keeps skipping a beat
It's hard to breath
However, for this fall I don't need air
Breathing is simply not a thought
I'm falling
Not grabbing hold to anything around me
Just continuing to land somewhere unknown
I'm not afraid
Neither am I shy of the uncertainty
The unknown is what attracts me
The fall is what makes the journey worth while
I've leaned over the edge and fell
Simply because I want to be taken to my unknown
To face falling again
Uninhibited by my fall before
I didn't trip
Nor stumble
I've fallen
I'm still falling
And this time I am enjoying each moment of my fall.
Monday, December 5, 2011
My fist and my pride!
Black
Negro
African American
Afro American
Nigger
Why is it that our race/ethnicity has been described and translated into so many different forms? The ignorance of our society to classify and stigmatize the differences of people demonstrates the weakness of our nation. I believe that today more than any other time before that the freedoms we have been entitled to for centuries is now beginning, marginally at least, to show face. We have a "black" president. I use the term black lightly in the case of dear old President Obama because he in fact is not black at all. He is mixed, mulatto, interracial. However, our people, blacks are so accepting we classify and let in just about anyone we deem to be someone to move our people ahead. The same euphoria we have shown people like Clinton, Lincoln, Kennedy, Eminem...you get my drift. African Americans love to accept in people who shed a slight similarity, interest, or advocacy. Fair enough, but what other race/ethnicity is accepting us? Even our modern day uncle tom's wouldn't necessarily be accepted by the white race. I always found it funny that the weakness of our own people has been our lack of discernment and discretion. It is ok for black people to be exclusive. It is ok for us to own our own cultural identity, uniqueness and pride that we do not lend into the hands of others to be exploited. Prime example the hair industry, today it is one of the largest money making industries in the U.S., demanding and taking the money of black people. However, it is almost an exclusively asian owned business. And as everyone knows Asian's do not accept or share there business among any other race outside their own. They own the market in hair, nails, beauty, and food (black and asian type of food: you can get a chicken box and a half n half, or general tso's and green tea all from the same korean cook). Not a racially charged argument but where has the black pride gone? Where are the days of sit-ins, picketing, protests, marches and riots for our rights? Have we lost our spirit of civil liberation? Yes, yes we have. Our first aim at unity would be to identify under one title, one that we give ourselves. Not an identification given to us. I rather call myself black, that way every person of African descent whether in the diaspora or not can fall under the same term. I do not associate myself as American, because America has yet to accept me. Not until the day a black female of the same educational and professional background can make the same wage as a white male or female in the same job position/title....than I am not an American. I will remain to be black because America has remained to withhold all of my civil liberties entitled to me from their white man-made Constitution.
This in no way is a racist blog or post against any one else, however a mere strongly felt and opinionated post about my black realism. You can deny the truth if you want, but it's still felt in my black owned beating heart. I live with my fist held high.
Say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud!
Negro
African American
Afro American
Nigger
Why is it that our race/ethnicity has been described and translated into so many different forms? The ignorance of our society to classify and stigmatize the differences of people demonstrates the weakness of our nation. I believe that today more than any other time before that the freedoms we have been entitled to for centuries is now beginning, marginally at least, to show face. We have a "black" president. I use the term black lightly in the case of dear old President Obama because he in fact is not black at all. He is mixed, mulatto, interracial. However, our people, blacks are so accepting we classify and let in just about anyone we deem to be someone to move our people ahead. The same euphoria we have shown people like Clinton, Lincoln, Kennedy, Eminem...you get my drift. African Americans love to accept in people who shed a slight similarity, interest, or advocacy. Fair enough, but what other race/ethnicity is accepting us? Even our modern day uncle tom's wouldn't necessarily be accepted by the white race. I always found it funny that the weakness of our own people has been our lack of discernment and discretion. It is ok for black people to be exclusive. It is ok for us to own our own cultural identity, uniqueness and pride that we do not lend into the hands of others to be exploited. Prime example the hair industry, today it is one of the largest money making industries in the U.S., demanding and taking the money of black people. However, it is almost an exclusively asian owned business. And as everyone knows Asian's do not accept or share there business among any other race outside their own. They own the market in hair, nails, beauty, and food (black and asian type of food: you can get a chicken box and a half n half, or general tso's and green tea all from the same korean cook). Not a racially charged argument but where has the black pride gone? Where are the days of sit-ins, picketing, protests, marches and riots for our rights? Have we lost our spirit of civil liberation? Yes, yes we have. Our first aim at unity would be to identify under one title, one that we give ourselves. Not an identification given to us. I rather call myself black, that way every person of African descent whether in the diaspora or not can fall under the same term. I do not associate myself as American, because America has yet to accept me. Not until the day a black female of the same educational and professional background can make the same wage as a white male or female in the same job position/title....than I am not an American. I will remain to be black because America has remained to withhold all of my civil liberties entitled to me from their white man-made Constitution.
This in no way is a racist blog or post against any one else, however a mere strongly felt and opinionated post about my black realism. You can deny the truth if you want, but it's still felt in my black owned beating heart. I live with my fist held high.
Say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud!
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