Making it's way far deeper and beyond my soul telling me...
That I fucked up.
Not necessarily because I did anything wrong
But because I may have really hurt and upset the one person I love
More than anything I want to be able to prove that I'm the one.
That I can be all that he wants and needs.
Satisfy those urges and fulfill that happiness.
I fall short each and every time.
In being who I am...
Indecisive, quirky, crazy, sensitive, irrational, discerning, contemplative, wild, random, optimistic, inquisitive, curious, pedantic, determined, clever, rude, persistent, annoying, funny, charming, aloof, witty, sarcastic, mysterious, sly and sometimes shy...
I seem to have lost out on balancing it out for someone else
I place all that I am so frantically in one place and don't make room for proper adjustments
As much as I can blend in, I hate not standing out
Not being heard
Not being felt.
I fucked up.
He stormed out.
I called.
He cursed.
I tried to render in what my eyes could amount to a deal breaking end
A solution, an answer,
Something that would express this unexplainable
Gut wrenching queasy and uneasy feeling
I get when I know he's not ok.
That feeling that always reappears when voices are lifted,
Tone is haunting
Eyes are piercing
And body is tensed
I tried to run and hide but I am too confrontational not to say a word
I can't keep my mouth shut.
It was innocent.
I've swore on just about any living and inanimate object.
Throwing away my own soul if it meant removing this scarlet letter.
I am not leaving.
I did nothing wrong.
I've made you uncomfortable and this was my fault.
I awkwardly make decisions sometimes in thinking you would understand.
I was wrong.
I should have said something sooner
But this is all I have left.
Don't cast me away like this was all a mistake
Don't leave me tomorrow as your biggest regret.
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